My Stys

For almost 3 years, I've had stys on my eyelids. Stys are caused by either oily skin, makeup, or contacts. Generally, my family have had stys before, but they were temporary. Stys can go away on their own after a certain amount of time. If stys do show up, it is advised to use a warm compress against the area twice a day.

However, I have had my stys for 2 whole years without going to see a doctor. It's too late for me to use compresses for it to go away--I need minor surgery.

I've never had surgery before so you can imagine how scared I am. Stys don't impair your vision, but they do create big ugly bumps on your eyes. I do want the surgery, but I'm also afraid of what could happen. I know it's just minor surgery, but I'm still afraid. After the doctor's visit, I immediately started crying for a hard hour. My mom was there trying to ease my mood, but it didn't work.

I just thought about all that could go wrong. I thought about how much I wanted this surgery because of a materialistic reason that they're "ugly." Am I really that obsessed with vanity that I would pay money to get these off my face? Am I really the type to care so much about public opinion that I would cause myself potential blindness for a chance of clear eyes?

The answer is: yes. I am admitting to myself that I am doing this for vanity reasons, but I'm also doing this out of fear. Sometimes, when stys stretch, they can cause small twangs of pain--almost close to the pain of a contact lense that is inserted incorrectly. I don't want my stys to also become infected. If that were to happen, I would be in larger trouble than I already am now. Almost as an intervention, I can rest assured that my reasons for clearing my stys are not for just vanity. They are for the pure amount of health concerns...

Yet, that doesn't push away my edging fear of surgery...

I know that people survive surgery all the time and since this is a minor case, it won't have as many problems or potential injuries, but who can blame me for being scared? There's nothing to do, but let those anesthetics take me over so it can be done with.

Selling Used Books! :)

I've finished quite an amount of books and here are the list I am willing to sell back to you. The pricing for each book does not include shipping. If you live within the Boston area, shipping is free! Compare my prices to any store. I'm cheaper! :D Information on Each Book: -The pricing is not more than what I paid for it. - They are ALL in hard cover unless stated otherwise. - They are ALL in new - good condition. - I really like all of them. :)

Dear John Nicholas Sparks $14.00

I still Have It...I just Cant Remember Where I Put It Rita Rudner $10.00

Longitude Dava Sobel $10.00

Obedience Will Lavender $14.00

Rocket Boys Homer H. Hickam Jr. (Paperback) $12.00

The Color of Water James McBride (Paperback) $11.00

The Darker Side Cody McFadyen $14.00

The Lovely Bones 14.00

The Wednesday Letters Jason F. Wright $10.00

True Detectives Jonathan Kellerman $10.00

Very Valentine Adriana Trigiani $11.00

What I did for Love - Susan Elizabeth Phillips $14.00

Use www.borders.com to search descriptions of each book and tell me if you're interested. Also, check out that pricing and compare it! :) If you are interested in a book, e-mail me at aznangel421356@yahoo.com or send me a facebook message!

New Haircut...

I got a haircut :( Extremely disppointed...
My mom told me that I could finally get what I want: full frontal bangs and lots of layers while keeping my length...but when my stylist was JUST about to cut my bangs, she said, "are you SURE?" At that point, I started to doubt what I wanted and she was becoming a great influence over my mother.
At the end, I got long angled bangs, long layers, and a random fringe...(Sad face) Did I mention she chopped 2 inches off my hair? I didn't realize 2 inches was that much. -_- I'm not one of those lucky people who grow an inch every month. I grow 7 inches in a whole year ~_~ ughughgughgugh.
By the end of march, I intend to go to a different salon and get the bangs that I want and the layers that I want. :( Now my hair falls 2 inches past my shoulders and when it's this short, I can't curl it at all! I really wanted to be able to curl my hair during Anime Boston....it can't happen unless my hair suddenly grows back its missing 2 inches. :( Please please please grow.

Those Sudden Outbursts

Do you ever get those random moments where you want to just burst out in tears?

I'm not the typical adolescent who keeps whining about how f*cked up their life is because no life has the perfect family. Everyone has their problems, but the depth of those problems vary.

I'm a well off girl. I have a roof, clothes, time to spend on my hobbies...the good stuff. I have a great set of friends and family. Hell, I even have a flat iron!

Yet, sometimes, I get that feeling churning in my stomach where I want to sit down and close my eyes...reflect. Growing up isn't without its flaws. No one I know possesses only good qualities. Hearing other people's sadness is practically contagious. When my parents complain, I feel it too. When my friends pour to me their problems, I feel them.

So what am I really getting at? What am I trying to say? Well, I guess everyone should try to bring that small bit of happiness. You can't be perfect. You can't fake a smile. Even so, I realize it takes a lot more effort to stay unhappy than it is to be happy.

I suffered a time when I was at my lowest...Everything in my life was starting to blur. I started to forget what I was living for. You don't always need a reason to be depressed. You don't always have to have even a good reason to be depressed--it happens to everyone.

The most important thing is to be able to lift your chin high again and move forward. Life never stops, so why should you? I know that keeping your feet planted in the ground while still walking is hard to do. Yet, no one can make you walk. You control your feet. Tell them where to go. When you start walking, you finally notice the scenery around you. You finally notice those flowers and those butterflies standing tall next to you and they stretch out for miles and miles. It can always rain, but instead of standing there in the wet weather, find a warm shelter you can call a home.

Shakespeare in Love

Ahhhhh!!!! What can I possibly say about this movie....It was beautiful and took my breath away.

I used to hate Shakespearean...His language, his style, but I believe the only reason why was that I listened to Shakespearean in class. His language sounds very different on a professionally trained actor compared to a fourteen year old boy with speech defect.

Besides that, this movie gave me a new view on Shakespeare. He's not the snobby playwriter I thought. He was an average man working his way up and wrote his plays from his heart...He truly was a glorious writer.

Not only that, but the movie was so beautiful. There's nothing I admire more than 1600 century Britain an any other historical livelihood! Both actors were very powerful and they were so good at what they were doing. By the end of the movie, I was crying...and I KEPT crying for literally, one whole hour! It was that amazing.

For anyone who hasn't seen this movie, it is definitely worth it.

Happy MLK Day!

I was playing Dokapon Kingdom yesterday with my brother, Ben, and Davin. I remember playing once by myself a few months ago, but wasn't much fun. This game is definitely planned for a group because it kept our interests! Definitely reccomend it for a party !

You design a character and choose your class. Then, the set up is like an RPG boardgame. It sort of resembles the classic Mario Party, except with an anime and magical theme. It's also really cute!

Besides video games, I found a great way for really moisturized skin! (lolol.)

I used Bubzbeauty's acne/scar mask & toner. (Click to view!) I've used the toner for two days along with my regular moisturizer and my cheeks do feel very smooth! Can't say too much if it's actually done anything for acne just yet. :) She says that results will be noticeable in 2 weeks. Yes, I do intend to wait that long lol. It's just fun to brush over my face. Personally, I like the smell of apple cidar vinegar. ;) but yes, it's not something you'd want to walk out of the house with! (lol)

It's snowing up here! Too bad we don't get any days off. :( I doubt the superintendant will dare take another day off after her failed prediction of hefty ice.

Physical Appearance

Throughout the entire day, my mom has been pestering me about my acne. I have acne around my forehead and T-zone. I started getting acne in 5th grade and now that I'm a freshman in high school, I still have it. Products have never worked and neither have masks. Before, I was extremely stressed out about how my face looked and irritated my skin with plenty of different products. My mom told me to leave it alone and let time do its thing.

I finally came to terms with just leaving my acne alone because that seems to do the best trick. My mom, however, has completely changed her mind about that. She's been giving me all these half-assed products--gilette facial cleanser for men (did nothing), a bunch of CVS chemically branded crap, and a whole lot of POPPING. I told her nononononono because after YEARS of testing out my skin, I know what works best: time. Yet, my mom has decided to change her mind and throw me a bunch of crap.

Acne has started to play a large role in my tween and early teen years. I was stressed out and extremely insecure over my acne. Now that my insecurities have shifted away from my face, my mom is bringing them all back. She once never noticed my acne. Now, she can't stop talking about it. She's even pointed all the flaws in my body (which I took from her ironically.) I remember when my mom used to compliment my body a few years ago. Now all she can do is say something bad about it. My physical appearance as a whole had never been a problem to me until now. I've never felt so self-conscience over it.

I don't worry so much about looks during school because most of my class are my friends. Therefore, I'm not that consicous around them. Yet, I still try to hide these imperfections and I'm ashamed of it. I know I shouldn't, but having it suddenly pointed out to me makes me feel like I should.

At the end of the day, I still love my mother despite all the crap she gives me.