My Stys

For almost 3 years, I've had stys on my eyelids. Stys are caused by either oily skin, makeup, or contacts. Generally, my family have had stys before, but they were temporary. Stys can go away on their own after a certain amount of time. If stys do show up, it is advised to use a warm compress against the area twice a day.

However, I have had my stys for 2 whole years without going to see a doctor. It's too late for me to use compresses for it to go away--I need minor surgery.

I've never had surgery before so you can imagine how scared I am. Stys don't impair your vision, but they do create big ugly bumps on your eyes. I do want the surgery, but I'm also afraid of what could happen. I know it's just minor surgery, but I'm still afraid. After the doctor's visit, I immediately started crying for a hard hour. My mom was there trying to ease my mood, but it didn't work.

I just thought about all that could go wrong. I thought about how much I wanted this surgery because of a materialistic reason that they're "ugly." Am I really that obsessed with vanity that I would pay money to get these off my face? Am I really the type to care so much about public opinion that I would cause myself potential blindness for a chance of clear eyes?

The answer is: yes. I am admitting to myself that I am doing this for vanity reasons, but I'm also doing this out of fear. Sometimes, when stys stretch, they can cause small twangs of pain--almost close to the pain of a contact lense that is inserted incorrectly. I don't want my stys to also become infected. If that were to happen, I would be in larger trouble than I already am now. Almost as an intervention, I can rest assured that my reasons for clearing my stys are not for just vanity. They are for the pure amount of health concerns...

Yet, that doesn't push away my edging fear of surgery...

I know that people survive surgery all the time and since this is a minor case, it won't have as many problems or potential injuries, but who can blame me for being scared? There's nothing to do, but let those anesthetics take me over so it can be done with.